Almost On Time

And my continuous search for a state of "Calma."

I opened my homemade Mother’s Day card from my oldest daughter. She was in elementary school at the time, maybe first grade. The words read, “Thank you for getting me to school almost on time.” “Almost” was a big key word in that card. It was honest and it was hilarious. At least she knew I was trying.

Elementary school started at 7:55am in our town where we lived in the United States. We lived approximately five minutes from the school by car. That would leave one to assume that we were never late for school and that assumption is quite wrong. In fact, one year I received a letter from the school noting our number of tardies and suggesting that if we didn’t improve our morning routine our child might not make it to the next grade level. I wasn’t proud of this letter. I had three small children and getting us out the door in the early morning hours just wasn’t my skill. Mornings became stressful. Looking back on those tardies, I should note that 95% of those instances were arrivals that happened after 7:55am but before 8:00am. There were so many days where I would pull up to the drop-off line a mere 30 seconds after 7:55. But the school had a strict policy. This meant I would need to park, unbuckle all the children, carry a baby in a car seat to the front office of the school in order to sign my older children in where they were marked as tardy in the computer system. A tardy slip was given to my children who would then need to present the slip to their teacher for all the class to see. This was just the policy. And, I get it. Punctuality is an important trait. Receiving that letter terrified me, made those mornings even more chaotic. and just made us all more anxious as we tried day after day to get out the door on time.

You’re probably wondering, “Well, why didn’t you wake up earlier?” Sure, a fair observation. And don’t think I didn’t do it. But even with more time, we always had some sort of breakdown in just getting out the door and to the car. How does one shoe always disappear so quickly? And, for the love, “where are your socks!? You just had them!” Or, “You need to go the bathroom now??”¹ Three kids. Three very different personalities. One stressed mom just trying to get everyone out the door.

As the kids got older, those morning drop-offs improved a bit but we still had our fair share of mornings where we just missed that car line drop-off. Nothing like that one year in which I received the letter, but it was still occurring. And, I think it’s important to note that there was a group of us that were chronically late and you know what? It was the families with three or more children. Honestly, we were all just proud of ourselves for getting that many kids to school almost on time. It became a joke or a topic of conversation—”what made you guys late this morning?” My point, and I do have one, is that mornings with small, school-aged kids is challenging. The fear of missing that drop-off line became a real stressor. And our mornings were mostly unpleasant. I’d leave school feeling so guilty for how our morning routine failed again. World’s Okayest Mom title still applied—cooked healthy dinners and read to her kids every night but couldn’t get them to school on time.

Here in Portugal, I’m happy to report that we’ve been mostly on time to school. Maybe it’s because my kids are older and a little more self-sufficient. Last year, we were rockstars and did not have one single tardy. How? Not sure. This year, our schedules are different. I have three kids in three different schools all over the city. First, my son and I ride our bikes to his school. I say goodbye to him at his school and then I ride back home where my youngest is waiting for me to walk her to her school. Up until this rainy weather, we were doing really well with our schedule. But, this rainy weather has slowed us down in the mornings. I manage to get my son to school on time consistently but my youngest has been a few minutes late on a number of days.

That first day that I realized she was going to be late, I worried. Because of course I did. It’s what I do. “Would the gate be closed? How will she get in? How many tardies are we even allowed? Will I be scolded like I was in the States?” All of these thoughts went through my head. When we arrived at the school, nothing happened. I kissed her on the cheek and told her to have a great day. The kind lady at the gate gave her a cheerful “Bom dia!” and into the school she walked. I expected to see a tardy in the computer system. Nothing.

On Monday this week, the first day back after semester break, we were late again. It was another rainy morning and getting back on our bikes on that gray day was tough—we struggled getting out the door. By the time my youngest got to school, we were five minutes late. The latest we had ever been. I gave her a kiss goodbye and watched her walk through the gate. The kind lady again greeted her cheerfully and even gave her a hug and kiss on the head. And, that was that. As I walked away, other parents walked up with their children. No one was rushing. No one looked stressed. Their kids were arriving at school safely and almost on time. No slips of paper given. No “tsk, tsk, tsk” by administrators. Just a friendly “Bom dia!”

I’m not advocating for being late. Certainly that’s not my point. I like punctuality even though I’m obviously bad at it. But, what a difference it makes when a child arrives to school a few minutes late and rather than being noted for their lateness they are instead welcomed with a smile.² As I observed those other families arriving late, I’d love to know what their mornings were like. Were they yelling at their kids to find their shoes? Were they rushing out the door like a lunatic? Or, were they just in that state of “Calma” knowing their kids would get to school eventually. I’m sure chaotic mornings exist for everyone but it does feel a bit like we generated more chaos than necessary in the States. I mean, I think I can safely say we are all trying to get our kids to school on time but some days come with challenges and when you have small children, those challenges might be more frequent. We are all doing our best.

I continue to strive for “Calma.” The Portuguese people seem really good at it. I am not. They stroll around town, they take their time at meals, their coffee is never a to-go order. Meanwhile, I’m still in a very different mindset. But, seeing those families seemingly not stressing as they walked their kids to the school gate a few minutes late gave me pause and made me think back to all of of those rushed morning where we were almost on time, the school process that followed as a result, and the guilt I felt for my failures. I much prefer a cheerful smile and a genuine “Bom dia!” It certainly makes for a better start to the day. Well, that and pastries. Never underestimate the power of a good pastry.

I can’t close this post without acknowledging the devastating storms that have battered Portugal. Our district had significant flooding this week. There are cities and towns that have been severely affected by these back-to-back-to-back-to-back storms and the damages done will take a very long time to repair. Here in Torres Vedras, our Carnival celebrations have been postponed. Surrounding areas are still at risk for this next storm expected tonight. It’s been a really long month. For those that live in Portugal and read this, I hope you and your loved ones are safe. Let us all look forward to the sunny days that are predicted after this next storm. I know we are need some sunshine. Take care.

Scenes from this week: landslides at our castle as seen while on my morning walk. And, finally the warm, sunny spot on the bed returned for Beezy for a brief moment.

1. Without fail, there’s always one kid who needs to stop and use the bathroom just as we are leaving. This is just how things work. It should be in all of the parenting books.

2. I suspect this applies only to primary school. My two older kids are in higher grade levels and tardies are determined by each teacher. And, they haven’t really been late to their schools so I can’t even say what happens if they are. They are older, more responsible now and much more helpful with getting out the door on time. But, the primary school process is different from our experience in Virginia.